Saturday, November 25, 2017
Sometimes I will be reading an article and memories will pop into my head about my own past situations. Although I am able to put things in the past and leave them there for the most part now, I still have flashbacks to the abusive workplace I spent too much time in. Here is a positive thought that came to me this morning, we don't have to view all the bad memories as bad. When our perspectives change over time we can learn to view our past in a very different light.
More often than not, I find myself giggling at certain memories in regards to my abusive narcissist, but the actual situations were anything but funny when they were happening. This is one of the differences of understanding subjective and objective information. Now that I have detached all emotion from my past situation, I am able to view memories in a more objective way, and some of Her (the narc) behaviours are absolutely hilarious when I look at them in another way.
I was reading an article this morning about narcissists and hypocrisy. My educated guess at this point is that all those with NPD are also natural hypocrites. I can say that my narc abuser is one of the worst hypocrites I have ever met. I used to write down a word of the day for my students on a whiteboard, and we would talk about each one to promote intelligent discussion, and to improve vocabulary. One word I left on the board for a few weeks near the end of my time there, was hypocrisy.
The funniest part is that the Narc had no idea that it was left there so others could discuss Her behaviour in a more open way. The memory I had this morning made me chuckle for a bit so i thought I would share. It is not the punch line of a joke, BUT it will add another example of tactics Narcs will use to keep you off balance.
We worked in a very small 'schoolroom' atmosphere, yet we used to get the dumbest memos, even when we were only a few feet away from each other. One day we got the first memo, and there was list of words and phrases that we were no longer allowed to use in the building, because to her, they were not 'proper'. Personally, i would get snapped at every time I used the phrase 'you guys'. I mean She would literally get downright mad at me. Remember, I am an intelligent man in my forties being treated like a child at this point. Ahh, one of the Narc tactics.
The one that made me giggle was the day we were told not to use the word BUT anymore, and that we were to find ways to change the way we speak and write so that this word would be used no longer in the building. Not 2 hours later, we received another memo about something totally different, and I counted 3 BUTs in the short memo. When I brought this to the attention of the Narc, I was told that she used it the proper way so it was okay for her to do so, BUT we are not to use it. I think I just defined the word Hypocrisy for you all right there.
I share this example so you can see another simple tactic used by narcs. People outside of the circle don't ever see the how messed up the narc is because there is not just one thing that they do that makes them a narcissist. It is not like there is a sign on their forehead telling you they are evil, they use a bunch of little things to erode and tear you down slowly and painfully. Hypocrisy is just another tool they use to keep you off balance and out of control.
The more you educate yourself and the more you remain objective, the easier it is to identify a narcissist when you encounter one. They will prey on your subjectivity constantly, and will do everything they can to keep you from ever being objective, because once you have viewed their true behaviours objectively, they can no longer fool you. And that is when they will dispose of you! They will find a new supply, and this cycle never stops for the narc, they will not change.
Are all narcissists hypocrites? A lot of the research would point to yes, but there is no definitive research that can simply say yes. I have not met a narc who is not a hypocrite personally, and I would theorize that all narcs are hypocrites though. It is a tool that can be used to create imbalance in the victim, and narcs come well-armed with these types of tools.
When you see someone being hypocritical, look for other narc factors that you may find in the DSM, and there is good chance that you have spotted a narc. I also know all the current research states No Contact as the best way to deal with Narc Abuse, BUT I also know that there comes a time when someone must fight back. Start learning about your abuser/enemy so that you can eventually find a way to stop them. I guarantee it will make you feel much better, BUT make sure you are very careful, in a good place mentally, and that you know your enemy very well first.
Once you do, help others by putting a stop to them. I know this part is easier said than done, BUT we can certainly try our best and no give these narcs freedom to abuse others.
Thursday, November 23, 2017
What are some of the reasons it is so hard to fight back at a narcissist? First of all, don't ever underestimate them, they are often much more clever than we know. I don't call them intelligent, i like to use the words clever, or maybe devious is a better choice. Let's just say that they are very good at what they do and at using the tools they have such as, gas-lighting, love-bombing, stonewalling and any other narc term you can find.
So they have a list of devious tools to use in their approach of abusing others around them, what do we have? Do we sink to their level and use the same tactics? I suppose some of the strategies they use could be used against them as well in turn, but remember that they are often pros at using these tools, and if you are the abused, then you likely are only an amateur at this point.
I will prefer to remain an amateur when it comes to using the narc's tactics, but I will certainly continue to educate myself about every one of the tools they use. I use Star Wars analogies at times and like to reference the Dark Side as the narcissists, and the Light Side of the force has the empathetic and kind-natured beings. The Light Side does not use the tactics of the Dark, yet they still find ways to win in the end.
Narcissists often hide behind others and use the important people in their environment to create a shield around them. Don't ever kid yourself, narcs are complete cowards at their core, but getting to that core can be difficult. They are shielded in the illusion of the image they create for those around them, and in turn, the flying monkeys, minions and enablers create another shield around that one as they are duped by the narcissist. Often their displays of arrogance and complete lack of remorse or empathy will come off as a strong dose of confidence, but you can learn to see the difference if you look closely enough.
It can be quite simple to put a narc into a tailspin if you know which 'buttons to push'. But it is one thing to push buttons, and another to create progress in this fight. If the narc is hiding behind a fortress of minions and an illusion of deceit, how can one fight back directly at the narc when they are afraid to come out of hiding? Can we draw them out of hiding? Do we have to fight our way into the inner circle of lies in order to start sorting them out?
I don't actually have the answer, but I am testing social theories on a regular basis as I search for some. I am not normally the type of person to use words in a blog or on other social media sites to bring a problem to the surface because i would much rather deal with the person/s directly. I prefer head on debate in order to find real truth, because the behaviours don't lie, and I can fortunately read behaviour like someone would read a book. And this becomes the greatest weakness of the narc because they can not hide that part of themselves from everyone, especially someone like me.
My 'core' still contains a few fears, but very few, and certainly none in regards to facing others head on. On the other hand, the narcs I am dealing with are filled with fear, especially when their image or reputations are in question in the public eye. They are absolute cowards at their core because their core is built upon lies and illusion, and that is certainly no proper foundation for an empathetic human being to have.
For now I will continue to push the truth out in any forum in front of me without any fear at all, and I will continue to search for solutions to correcting the imbalances around us.
Although I see many 'cracks in the armour' surrounding the current narc I am dealing with, it will still be a long battle if I continue working from the outside in. Instead I will find different ways to use the truths that I hold to draw out the narc or narcs in involved. If I share the right information to the right people, the narcs will eventually have no choice but to come out of their 'fortress of illusion' in order to defend themselves. And as long as I don't slander anyone and share only the truth, then my platform for debate should bring results one way or the other, but at least progress will be made.
A public platform is the perfect place to deal with narcissists if you have truth on your side, and nothing to lose. They will have to defend their image and reputation while all we have to do is share the truth, but this will only work if you don't also have to defend your image as well, I know who I am and have no need to defend myself to others anymore. I am kind and compassionate with a natural empathetic nature, but also someone who normally does not take shit from anyone. Yet narcs have slithered out from under their rocks throughout my whole life to prey upon my good nature.
I decided not to reach under those rocks any more because I am tired of being bit. I have dealt with smear campaigns and will not sink to the same level. A smear campaign uses deceit or even partial truths to destroy, whereas I plan to use only truths that are objective in nature so that others can make choices for themselves. I would prefer a head on debate rather than using this platform to expose things, but for now I will use what I have because I am tired of being the abused!
I stated in my last article that my hypothesis is that NPD can be cured by empathy. I am not exactly sure how to inflict empathy onto the narc yet, but I have several theories I have created and am working from right now. The basis for my argument is that if Narcs have no empathy and that this is the reason for their affliction, then a dose of empathy is exactly what they need. If they could touch on empathy for even one moment, it would cause them to reflect upon themselves, and take a look in the mirror for the first time.
If a narc can learn to understand and judge themselves in the same way that normal people do, they will learn to see the reflection of their actions in those around them. For the moment they only care about themselves and their own needs, but if they were affected by empathy, they would have to look at the reflection of their own ego, and this will be emotionally painful for them after all of the bad things they have done to others. This is why a narc will not self-reflect, they are afraid, and are cowards at the core.
As usual, I will continue to share my findings along the way, and let you know what works and what doesn't. If you have any theories you would like to share, please comment or email them to me. I am on a mission bring power back to the Light side of the force and can longer sit back and watch good people be silently abused. I often feel like one Jedi standing up against the whole force of the dark side, but I have faith in human goodness and believe that the light side of the force will prevail
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
I often have to ask myself certain questions in order to better understand what my true purpose is, and the answers always lead me to theories and hypotheses. From the time I finished my college degree in the field of social work, I have looked at the 'social' world in a very different way from anytime before in my life. The theories and hypotheses of social sciences became very relevant to my own life, and I find myself constantly testing social hypotheses on my own 'micro' level.
Although I see patterns in our social systems and can often see the bigger picture of social problems, I also know that I must start small when I test social theories.
When we see problems in the world, we believe that our words can change or alter these problems, except the problems most people are seeing are just the biggest ones, or the 'macro' problems, and we immediately want to do something. Some will move forward with attempts at change while others will see the overwhelming truth in front of them and will just give up immediately. Personally, I like to break down the macro problems so that I can begin dealing with them on a micro level first, kind of like getting practice in the minors so that I can move up to the majors.
Narcissism and NPD have become an overwhelming problem in the world, and nobody seems to know how to deal with it yet, including me. All I can do is deal with the facts we have determined as a society so far, look for patterns, and apply these things to my own personal experience and knowledge in order to find solutions. In order to find solutions, I must have a hypothesis to work from in order to test certain social theories.
I am using the direction of a personal issue I have with a narcissist, and testing certain theories in order to find some sort of solutions that I can then apply to the larger problem we are faced with in our world today. If you don't believe me that this is a growing and already large issue, check out just the amount of Facebook pages devoted to Narcissist Abuse and the like. How do you plan to face the problem?......because it is not going to get better on its own!
I realize that my community problem is mostly micro level, and that the individuals involved are tiny specks in the ocean in relation to the larger problem, but again, I must start somewhere. Want to find test theories and decent factual evidence in regards to narcissists, the information can be found everywhere. A good place to start is with the DSM-V so that you can begin by 'knowing your enemy'.
If this 'small fish' can find ways to deal with the problem on a micro scale in my own community, then I may be able to apply my successes to the larger picture in the future. That is my plan and theory for the moment, and I will continue to share my findings with you here.
For the moment, I believe that if I no longer try to deal with my opponent head on, I will begin to find other opportunities. Already I have found other avenues to expose certain truths that will only mar the image of those who have done things wrong or unethical. The nice thing about testing my theories is that nobody will be harmed socially unless they have actually done something wrong.
Here is the neat part, if you are a narcissist, you already believe you have done nothing wrong and never do anything wrong, so when the exposure occurs, you will get to understand how it felt for your victims. On the other hand, if you are not a narcissist, you will know immediately that you are not if you have an ounce of empathy for what I am writing. You too have been abused and know how horrific it can feel.
The narcissist has no empathy and if you are narcissist who has affected me in a negative way, you will feel anger and frustration at the moment because you will now know you are a Narcissist, maybe for the first time. If you are a narcissist, I am suggesting you take a very close look at yourself for the first time because when you finally see yourself clearly in the mirror, you will be devastated by how you have treated others! The longer you wait to reflect upon yourselves, the more painful it will be.
I later considered my hypothesis and added this:A narcissist lacks empathy and there is no known cure for NPD at the moment. My theory is that NPD can be cured and my hypothesis is that it can be cured with empathy. The methods for this will be forthcoming.
It is no surprise that there is a growing number of sociopaths and narcissists in our current world. Our whole system breeds more and more of them each day through the fundamentals of capitalism, socialism, and of course social media is an absolute breeding ground for psychopathic behavior that requires no empathy at all. Billions of interactions happening everyday on the internet and no feeling or emotion is needed to convey all of these messages.
It is a dream set-up for those who have no empathy or care for others, and they use it each and every day to prey on good people. And this certainly does not only occur on the internet, I am just saying that is the reason for the rapid growth of psychopathic behavior in society. The individuals who have sprung from this are affecting people all around the globe each day, and because much of the behavior is covert and well planned out by 'intelligent' people, abuse continues to grow for the empaths and good people of the world.
We are being preyed upon daily and most of the time have no idea it is even happening until it is often too late. Being abused by someone with a narcissistic personality disorder or a sociopath, especially over a long period of time, leaves the victim scarred and empty. The victim has been abused for so long that all they can do is try to get away from their abuser, because we are left with very little energy for anything else, and if you try to fight back against the wrong-doer, they have already been carefully crafting lies and deceit behind your back which makes fighting near impossible.
We all have these people in our lives but very few can recognize them. They walk amongst us as seemingly normal and friendly people, but they will stab you in the back at a moments notice, and have no remorse for their actions whatsoever. They are often even revered in our communities because you only get to see their surface and they are very clever at presenting themselves well to others, and act as chameleons who will shift their behavior based on self-gain.
I am personally tired of being abused by these 'less than human' beings and have been studying for years about how to recognize them. Although I am highly knowledgeable about what to look for I still get fooled by the more clever ones myself. I had a thought yesterday that helped me put the recognition into a simpler perspective.
'A Narcissist will always tell you what you WANT to hear, whereas an empath (good and caring person) will always tell you what you need to hear!' If someone is always flattering you and telling you what you want to hear, be wary of this person and do more research before freely giving away your trust. If someone is telling you what you need to hear, they likely care about you and are trying to be honest. It is so much easier to love the narcissist because they know exactly how to stroke your ego.
Here is my point; we lock people up in jails and prisons every single day for physically abusing others, so why are we not locking people up for abusing people emotionally, and knowingly. In my opinion, these are the most evil and destructive people on the planet because they can not even face you head on. I am against physical abuse of any kind but it is easier to get over the physical problems than the trauma they create.
We all know what differing types of trauma can do to an individual, so why are we allowing predators to continue their abusive emotional behavior? Because it is so much harder to prove when we can not physically see the evidence, this is why narcissists and sociopaths use this form of abuse. On top of that, the victim ends up so emotionally drained that there is no fight left in them.
I guarantee that most of you deal with these types of people on a daily basis and have not recognized them yet, but you can sense that something is wrong. Explore your senses and look deeper. Do a little reading about narcissists on the internet or join one of the many supports groups on Facebook and educate yourself. There are thousands, if not millions, of people on the net talking about this and looking for abuse support.
This is a problem of epidemic proportions and the only way to overcome it is through awareness and exposure. Stop letting these 'less than human' beings abuse others by taking a stand. If you feel that something is wrong, then there probably is, but don't stop there. Take action and learn the signs to protect yourself. Take it from someone who has been abused long-term more than once, it will take its toll on you and cause a decline in your health.
Arm yourself with knowledge and expose these individuals for the abusers that they are. Don't let them get away with their inhumane behavior anymore.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Sometimes I get into deep reflective states that can last for days and I just don't feel like writing. I have been receiving quite a few email responses from both local and distant readers, and felt I should try to write something new today.
Although someone can find relief from toxic memories through forgiveness and letting go, there always seems to be something residual that does not leave completely. I can let go of any anger and frustration I have towards my abuser, and have done so, but that is only my personal relief and peace of mind. There is always something still nagging at the heart, and that is because the problem still exists and has had no resolution whatsoever.
I have a natural empathy that will not allow me to forget about others who are still suffering and have suffered at the hands of the same abuser. The problem still exists, the abuser is still abusing, and nothing has been resolved. What would you do at this point? For my own peace of mind, I could simply walk away and never think of it again, and I could! But my heart would never forgive me for allowing the abuse to continue.
As I press forward with my plan, I am proud to say that the first steps have been successful. If I were to share them you may see them as small successes, but they have laid the ground work for the next step in the 'chess' game I am playing. I had no guarantee and often little hope that my first steps would have any success at all, and they were often just words, theories and plans that I would share with those closest to me.
They likely thought I was a little eccentric at times, but they are also pleased to see my progress since it has become a large part of my healing process. I can't share the details of my plan at this point, but it will be laid out in my book labelled, The Puppeteer of WN. It used to be my suspicion and hope that certain individuals would 'creep' me long enough to read the words I have set out for them, but I now have verification that the words have reached some of the 'right' people.
My words are meant to help others who have suffered similar experiences and for those who don't know how to deal with the current narcs in their lives. They are also meant to serve my own self purpose, which is to expose the truth about my own narcissist abuser and her minions, who are all very 'public' figures in our community.
Nothing matters more to a narcissist than their image or reputation. The next logical step for me now is to expose truths that will offer a more honest look at these images and reputations, and as I stated before in an earlier article, we are heading into a municipal elections in less than a year, so what better time to make these issues available for public discussion.
I will share many details of my progress as I stand up to the bullying narcissists in my community, as well as any successes and failures that may help others along their approach to anti-bullying. I will be setting up an online campaign which will offer stories about certain public positions and their actions. They will be objective articles which will be posted so other can make their own judgments of these public employees.
Of course, my end goal still has a specific focus of a certain literacy agency in WN and the horrific mental abuse going on there. The worst part is that this is a not-for-profit agency, the stress and abuse is completely unnecessary! Maybe one day I will get a call from an interested party who would like to work this all out in a much nicer way, but I won't hold my breath until then.