Monday, November 13, 2017
Why Fight Back At Narcissists?
Throughout my own healing process over the past year or so, I have written about several mental health issues from the standpoint of both a counselor, and a client. As I researched and reflected for many months, the focus of the deeper issues became clear, and now I am finally left with goals and purpose in my being once again. Because of life experiences and training, I knew I would find the 'darkest' stuff near the end of the process, and sure enough my focus has become psychological and narcissistic abuse.
We can be injured physically and watch the healing happen before our very eyes. How do you chart your progress when your injuries and scars are on a mental scale? There are many answers to this, but for me the progress is my chart. Where is my mental state of being currently, and what items continue to plague me even after an abundance of healing?
Although I have been through more than my share of psychological abuse, I am thankful to have had those things along life's journey, because they have made me mentally stronger and wiser than i could have ever imagined. Yes, the experiences and the dark times sucked, there is no getting around that, but we can either let those things destroy us, or make us stronger. It is a choice in personal growth.
I have chosen to continue growing from the inside out, whereas the Narc will always choose from the outside in. Their image and reputation are of the utmost importance, and way above the need to treat others with any sort of empathy or compassion. So now that I have mostly healed everything on the inside, I find myself left with a few toxic items laying around in there, and they all come from outside sources, and of things that have been left unresolved.
So Why fight back at narcissists? Most of the current research points people to 'no contact' when dealing with narcs. It is suggested to leave the toxic situation and don't look back, for your own health. As someone who has had a lot of experience with this type of abuse and someone who attracts narcs like flies to crap, I can tell you that the suggestion is a good one, but only for a while!
Healing from the mental abuse can take months or even years for some, and that is if it is ever healed completely, which I would assume is quite rare. This is the type of abuse that can plague your mind for the rest of your life. So how do we deal these underlying issues then? I have several theories on this subject but currently I am only interested in my working theories. It is my belief at the moment that because the issues I am healing from are still unresolved on the outside, I will not be able to complete my healing and resolve my underlying resentment unless I resolve the problems that outside of my inner self.
There are several narcissists that have caused inner struggles for me, but for now I focus on the most prevalent, and the one that still reminds me daily that it is unresolved. The person who caused most of my underlying resentment is still thriving while I deal with the effects they caused me. This needs to change in order for me to finish healing.
When i first 'crashed' after leaving my abusive work situation, I was exhausted, frustrated and likely angrier inside than I thought at the time. The attempts I made to bring down my abusers were small and unable to affect the situation, but I also know that resentment was driving the attempts at the time, and that was not the right approach. That is when I took my own advice and went with 'no contact' in order to heal.
Now I am ready to fight back at my narc and others because my proper focus has returned. I am no longer out for revenge or even retribution. I have always been an advocate for many issues throughout my life, and I even went back to college and trained in the arts of social justice and social work. My goal now is justice, and it has allowed me to turn the negative resentment and toxic feelings into a positive approach. I am out for social justice in my community right now, and the first resolution I am seeking is to correct the abusive situation still going on in the environment that I had to leave.
I can no longer sit back and watch the director of our local literacy agency and her minions continue to abuse others, especially the vulnerable ones that need that place. Someone has to put a stop to it and I believe that is what I am meant to do. I have met with several 'vip's' in our area over the past couple of weeks and I can see a small light at the end of the tunnel now. In one of my earlier articles I explained that these people have the option of contacting me and atoning for their actions, but since I have received no replies in that regard, I will diligently press forward.
There is a big shake-up that is going to happen over the coming months, and many of the public positions in our community will be brought to the surface so that certain actions and behaviours will be exposed to the general public, including my blogs. I am seeking social justice right now and will stop at nothing to see it through to its fruition. There will be a few narcissistic individuals who are currently enjoying their power and untarnished reputations, who will experience some negative press.
I would have preferred a different kind of resolution because it is never my purpose to intentionally hurt anyone, even the evil narcissists. I have had to choose the concept of justice to appease myself as I move forward. I expect I will tarnish the images of quite a few Narcs in West Nipissing, and it is almost unfortunate for them that this is how they will be remembered even after all of the good things they 'think' they have done. Things never had to happen this way, but justice must be served!
If you have been harmed or abused by a narcissist, I hope my words help you a little in your own effort to move forward in life. If you are a narcissist reading this, especially if you are one the specific narcs I am pointing at, this is just the beginning of the game. I did not start the game, but as I stated in an earlier article, I am a good chess player and I don't give up until all options are exhausted.
I believe I am in for a long battle at the moment, but I am certainly up for it this time around.
Namaste and be well