Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Are All Narcissists Hypocrites?
Sometimes I will be reading an article and memories will pop into my head about my own past situations. Although I am able to put things in the past and leave them there for the most part now, I still have flashbacks to the abusive workplace I spent too much time in. Here is a positive thought that came to me this morning, we don't have to view all the bad memories as bad. When our perspectives change over time we can learn to view our past in a very different light.
More often than not, I find myself giggling at certain memories in regards to my abusive narcissist, but the actual situations were anything but funny when they were happening. This is one of the differences of understanding subjective and objective information. Now that I have detached all emotion from my past situation, I am able to view memories in a more objective way, and some of Her (the narc) behaviours are absolutely hilarious when I look at them in another way.
I was reading an article this morning about narcissists and hypocrisy. My educated guess at this point is that all those with NPD are also natural hypocrites. I can say that my narc abuser is one of the worst hypocrites I have ever met. I used to write down a word of the day for my students on a whiteboard, and we would talk about each one to promote intelligent discussion, and to improve vocabulary. One word I left on the board for a few weeks near the end of my time there, was hypocrisy.
The funniest part is that the Narc had no idea that it was left there so others could discuss Her behaviour in a more open way. The memory I had this morning made me chuckle for a bit so i thought I would share. It is not the punch line of a joke, BUT it will add another example of tactics Narcs will use to keep you off balance.
We worked in a very small 'schoolroom' atmosphere, yet we used to get the dumbest memos, even when we were only a few feet away from each other. One day we got the first memo, and there was list of words and phrases that we were no longer allowed to use in the building, because to her, they were not 'proper'. Personally, i would get snapped at every time I used the phrase 'you guys'. I mean She would literally get downright mad at me. Remember, I am an intelligent man in my forties being treated like a child at this point. Ahh, one of the Narc tactics.
The one that made me giggle was the day we were told not to use the word BUT anymore, and that we were to find ways to change the way we speak and write so that this word would be used no longer in the building. Not 2 hours later, we received another memo about something totally different, and I counted 3 BUTs in the short memo. When I brought this to the attention of the Narc, I was told that she used it the proper way so it was okay for her to do so, BUT we are not to use it. I think I just defined the word Hypocrisy for you all right there.
I share this example so you can see another simple tactic used by narcs. People outside of the circle don't ever see the how messed up the narc is because there is not just one thing that they do that makes them a narcissist. It is not like there is a sign on their forehead telling you they are evil, they use a bunch of little things to erode and tear you down slowly and painfully. Hypocrisy is just another tool they use to keep you off balance and out of control.
The more you educate yourself and the more you remain objective, the easier it is to identify a narcissist when you encounter one. They will prey on your subjectivity constantly, and will do everything they can to keep you from ever being objective, because once you have viewed their true behaviours objectively, they can no longer fool you. And that is when they will dispose of you! They will find a new supply, and this cycle never stops for the narc, they will not change.
Are all narcissists hypocrites? A lot of the research would point to yes, but there is no definitive research that can simply say yes. I have not met a narc who is not a hypocrite personally, and I would theorize that all narcs are hypocrites though. It is a tool that can be used to create imbalance in the victim, and narcs come well-armed with these types of tools.
When you see someone being hypocritical, look for other narc factors that you may find in the DSM, and there is good chance that you have spotted a narc. I also know all the current research states No Contact as the best way to deal with Narc Abuse, BUT I also know that there comes a time when someone must fight back. Start learning about your abuser/enemy so that you can eventually find a way to stop them. I guarantee it will make you feel much better, BUT make sure you are very careful, in a good place mentally, and that you know your enemy very well first.
Once you do, help others by putting a stop to them. I know this part is easier said than done, BUT we can certainly try our best and no give these narcs freedom to abuse others.