Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Fighting Narcissism: Start Small and Practice

I often have to ask myself certain questions in order to better understand what my true purpose is, and the answers always lead me to theories and hypotheses.  From the time I finished my college degree in the field of social work, I have looked at the 'social' world in a very different way from anytime before in my life.  The theories and hypotheses of social sciences became very relevant to my own life, and I find myself constantly testing social hypotheses on my own 'micro' level.

Although I see patterns in our social systems and can often see the bigger picture of social problems, I also know that I must start small when I test social theories. 

When we see problems in the world, we believe that our words can change or alter these problems, except the problems most people are seeing are just the biggest ones, or the 'macro' problems, and we immediately want to do something.  Some will move forward with attempts at change while others will see the overwhelming truth in front of them and will just give up immediately.  Personally, I like to break down the macro problems so that I can begin dealing with them on a micro level first, kind of like getting practice in the minors so that I can move up to the majors.

Narcissism and NPD have become an overwhelming problem in the world, and nobody seems to know how to deal with it yet, including me.  All I can do is deal with the facts we have determined as a society so far, look for patterns, and apply these things to my own personal experience and knowledge in order to find solutions.  In order to find solutions, I must have a hypothesis to work from in order to test certain social theories. 

I am using the direction of a personal issue I have with a narcissist, and testing certain theories in order to find some sort of solutions that I can then apply to the larger problem we are faced with in our world today.  If you don't believe me that this is a growing and already large issue, check out just the amount of Facebook pages devoted to Narcissist Abuse and the like.  How do you plan to face the problem?......because it is not going to get better on its own!

I realize that my community problem is mostly micro level, and that the individuals involved are tiny specks in the ocean in relation to the larger problem, but again, I must start somewhere.  Want to find test theories and decent factual evidence in regards to narcissists, the information can be found everywhere.  A good place to start is with the DSM-V so that you can begin by 'knowing your enemy'.

If this 'small fish' can find ways to deal with the problem on a micro scale in my own community, then I may be able to apply my successes to the larger picture in the future.  That is my plan and theory for the moment, and I will continue to share my findings with you here.

For the moment, I believe that if I no longer try to deal with my opponent head on, I will begin to find other opportunities.  Already I have found other avenues to expose certain truths that will only mar the image of those who have done things wrong or unethical.  The nice thing about testing my theories is that nobody will be harmed socially unless they have actually done something wrong. 

Here is the neat part, if you are a narcissist, you already believe you have done nothing wrong and never do anything wrong, so when the exposure occurs, you will get to understand how it felt for your victims.  On the other hand, if you are not a narcissist, you will know immediately that you are not if you have an ounce of empathy for what I am writing.  You too have been abused and know how horrific it can feel. 

The narcissist has no empathy and if you are narcissist who has affected me in a negative way, you will feel anger and frustration at the moment because you will now know you are a Narcissist, maybe for the first time.  If you are a narcissist, I am suggesting you take a very close look at yourself for the first time because when you finally see yourself clearly in the mirror, you will be devastated by how you have treated others!  The longer you wait to reflect upon yourselves, the more painful it will be.

I later considered my hypothesis and added this:A narcissist lacks empathy and there is no known cure for NPD at the moment.  My theory is that NPD can be cured and my hypothesis is that it can be cured with empathy. The methods for this will be forthcoming.

Beware Of Narcissists and Sociopaths!

It is no surprise that there is a growing number of sociopaths and narcissists in our current world.  Our whole system breeds more and more of them each day through the fundamentals of capitalism, socialism, and of course social media is an absolute breeding ground for psychopathic behavior that requires no empathy at all.   Billions of interactions happening everyday on the internet and no feeling or emotion is needed to convey all of these messages.

It is a dream set-up for those who have no empathy or care for others, and they use it each and every day to prey on good people.  And this certainly does not only occur on the internet, I am just saying that is the reason for the rapid growth of psychopathic behavior in society.  The individuals who have sprung from this are affecting people all around the globe each day, and because much of the behavior is covert and well planned out by 'intelligent' people, abuse continues to grow for the empaths and good people of the world.

We are being preyed upon daily and most of the time have no idea it is even happening until it is often too late.  Being abused by someone with a narcissistic personality disorder or a sociopath, especially over a long period of time, leaves the victim scarred and empty.  The victim has been abused for so long that all they can do is try to get away from their abuser, because we are left with very little energy for anything else, and if you try to fight back against the wrong-doer, they have already been carefully crafting lies and deceit behind your back which makes fighting near impossible.

We all have these people in our lives but very few can recognize them.  They walk amongst us as seemingly normal and friendly people, but they will stab you in the back at a moments notice, and have no remorse for their actions whatsoever.   They are often even revered in our communities because you only get to see their surface and they are very clever at presenting themselves well to others, and act as chameleons who will shift their behavior based on self-gain.

I am personally tired of being abused by these 'less than human' beings and have been studying for years about how to recognize them.  Although I am highly knowledgeable about what to look for I still get fooled by the more clever ones myself.  I had a thought yesterday that helped me put the recognition into a simpler perspective.

'A Narcissist will always tell you what you WANT to hear, whereas an empath (good and caring person) will always tell you what you need to hear!'   If someone is always flattering you and telling you what you want to hear, be wary of this person and do more research before freely giving away your trust.  If someone is telling you what you need to hear, they likely care about you and are trying to be honest.  It is so much easier to love the narcissist because they know exactly how to stroke your ego.

Here is my point; we lock people up in jails and prisons every single day for physically abusing others, so why are we not locking people up for abusing people emotionally, and knowingly.  In my opinion, these are the most evil and destructive people on the planet because they can not even face you head on.  I am against physical abuse of any kind but it is easier to get over the physical problems than the trauma they create.

We all know what differing types of trauma can do to an individual, so why are we allowing predators to continue their abusive emotional behavior?  Because it is so much harder to prove when we can not physically see the evidence, this is why narcissists and sociopaths use this form of abuse.  On top of that, the victim ends up so emotionally drained that there is no fight left in them.

I guarantee that most of you deal with these types of people on a daily basis and have not recognized them yet, but you can sense that something is wrong.  Explore your senses and look deeper.  Do a little reading about narcissists on the internet or join one of the many supports groups on Facebook and educate yourself.  There are thousands, if not millions, of people on the net talking about this and looking for abuse support.

This is a problem of epidemic proportions and the only way to overcome it is through awareness and exposure.  Stop letting these 'less than human' beings abuse others by taking a stand.  If you feel that something is wrong, then there probably is, but don't stop there.  Take action and learn the signs to protect yourself.  Take it from someone who has been abused long-term more than once, it will take its toll on you and cause a decline in your health.

Arm yourself with knowledge and expose these individuals for the abusers that they are.  Don't let them get away with their inhumane behavior anymore.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

A Narcissist's Most Valued Possession: Public Image

Sometimes I get into deep reflective states that can last for days and I just don't feel like writing.  I have been receiving quite a few email responses from both local and distant readers, and felt I should try to write something new today.

Although someone can find relief from toxic memories through forgiveness and letting go, there always seems to be something residual that does not leave completely.  I can let go of any anger and frustration I have towards my abuser, and have done so, but that is only my personal relief and peace of mind.  There is always something still nagging at the heart, and that is because the problem still exists and has had no resolution whatsoever.

I have a natural empathy that will not allow me to forget about others who are still suffering and have suffered at the hands of the same abuser.  The problem still exists, the abuser is still abusing, and nothing has been resolved.  What would you do at this point?  For my own peace of mind, I could simply walk away and never think of it again, and I could!  But my heart would never forgive me for allowing the abuse to continue.

As I press forward with my plan, I am proud to say that the first steps have been successful.  If I were to share them you may see them as small successes, but they have laid the ground work for the next step in the 'chess' game I am playing.  I had no guarantee and often little hope that my first steps would have any success at all, and they were often just words, theories and plans that I would share with those closest to me.

They likely thought I was a little eccentric at times, but they are also pleased to see my progress since it has become a large part of my healing process.  I can't share the details of my plan at this point, but it will be laid out in my book labelled, The Puppeteer of WN.  It used to be my suspicion and hope that certain individuals would 'creep' me long enough to read the words I have set out for them, but I now have verification that the words have reached some of the 'right' people.

My words are meant to help others who have suffered similar experiences and for those who don't know how to deal with the current narcs in their lives.  They are also meant to serve my own self purpose, which is to expose the truth about my own narcissist abuser and her minions, who are all very 'public' figures in our community.

Nothing matters more to a narcissist than their image or reputation.  The next logical step for me now is to expose truths that will offer a more honest look at these images and reputations, and as I stated before in an earlier article, we are heading into a municipal elections in less than a year, so what better time to make these issues available for public discussion.

I will share many details of my progress as I stand up to the bullying narcissists in my community, as well as any successes and failures that may help others along their approach to anti-bullying.  I will be setting up an online campaign which will offer stories about certain public positions and their actions.  They will be objective articles which will be posted so other can make their own judgments of these public employees. 

Of course,  my end goal still has a specific focus of a certain literacy agency in WN and the horrific mental abuse going on there.  The worst part is that this is a not-for-profit agency, the stress and abuse is completely unnecessary!  Maybe one day I will get a call from an interested party who would like to work this all out in a much nicer way, but I won't hold my breath until then.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Did I Deserve To Be Abused??

Although I have mostly healed my self, something seems to keep nagging at me and it is why I continue to have outbursts of words like these lately.  It is one thing to heal though, and another to see a situation that has not healed, or been resolved.  The fact that the abuse continues to this day for others led me to a better state of thinking on one hand, while continuing to be concerned for the victims.

I have the though pop into my head earlier, did I deserve the abuse that I received?  Had I done something wrong or done bad things that caused someone else to treat me poorly and abuse my good nature? After much reflection over the past couple of years, I know that not all of my actions are ever perfect, but they are all well intended and come from a place of empathy and kindness.  Did I do anything to deserve how I was treated?? Not even close!!

This has been one of the barriers I have met over and over again in my healing process, but I don't know if I have ever been so clear of a certain line of questioning towards myself.  If I had done things to deserve the abuse then I could have looked back and understood that this was a consequence of my own actions.  That is what has added to the difficulty of 'getting over it'.  I certainly did not deserve the treatment I received and therefore must now do something about it.

If we allow people freedom to abuse others with no recourse, then how can we stand up and be proud as human beings?  I still understand the idea of 'no contact' with the narcissist, but this is for our 'self' so we can heal first.  Once we have healed inside, we must use that healed state to heal wrongs in the world I believe.  I may be healed, but the other abused have not, and there will be more as long as the abuser holds the power and pulls all of the strings.

I have to admit that I now find it a little amusing how She can pulls the strings of everyone around her, and they don't even know.  Even her bosses never get to see the real her, and she pulls their strings like a skilled puppeteer would.  I wonder how long before those strings will break once the mask falls off, and the truth is revealed?!

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Help The 'Little Guy' Stand Up To Narcissists

I have always believed in standing up for the 'little guy', and helping the underdog, but only if their goal is 'just'.  It is quite often the 'little guy' who has the just purpose and that is why he/she fights so hard for their goal in the first place.  I also see a pattern where the 'little guy' is concerned, and that is they are quite often the 'nice' or compassionate person who has been pushed down by the more powerful beings around them.

I am the 'little guy' in my fight against narcissism and narcissistic abuse, I get that!  The 'little guy' often gets pushed around and pushed down until they simply give up, and the 'big guys' keep pushing forward with their self centered agendas.  Well, how about when the 'little guy' decides not be little anymore?

I expect that the more truths I write, the more I will be slandered, smeared and treated like a social pariah to those currently in power.  At one point in my life, that would have bothered me, but now I welcome it all.  For the most part, I am a nice guy who treats others with empathy and compassion, naturally!  I do have another side that comes to life when wrongs are committed, and that other side will stop at nothing to right those wrongs.

That side finally came to life after about a year of healing from my own abuse, and the purpose behind it grows each day.  I have spent my whole life seeking justice for others, but forgot how to do so for myself.  As someone who is naturally empathetic, I am have been preyed upon throughout my whole life by narcissists, and only began to realize the full spectrum of the problem over the past couple of years, especially after working for a master narcissist in a not-for-profit organization in our community of West Nipissing

I have been a good source of supply for Narcs for many years without even realizing it, just like so many other empathetic beings do.  I am still an excellent source of 'supply' for Narcs now, but unfortunately for them, the supply I offer will now toxify them just like they do to good people.  I can spot a Narc a mile away, and I will always treat them with compassion, there will be no respect added to that compassion though.  Respect is reserved for good people who earn it!

Although I have altered my thinking quite a bit over the few years in regards to justice for my self, it is still not my primary purpose, and I have to blame my natural empathy for that one.  I have a difficult time turning my care towards myself first when there are others around me being mistreated or abused.  So in the mean time, I have turned myself in to a 'rock' once again, and allow nothing to penetrate my exterior, unless I knowingly allow it.

In order to attain my true purpose in life of helping others in need, I will now hurl myself, or the rock, at the people who are abusing their power and social status while harming others in the process.  The justice I seek in the world right now is justice for those who are trying to help themselves, but are overwhelmed and stuck being the 'little guy' as well. 

My ability to write words like these offers me the opportunity to no longer be a 'little guy'.  "The pen is mightier than the sword" is such a valid statement.  Well presented words can change just about any situation, even an abusive one.   The words I will continue to share have the underlying purpose of helping an innocent person/people who are stuck in an abusive situation, and should no longer have to suffer the effects. 

There is simply no need for the abuse or the behaviour of the Narc i am speaking of.  She should be ashamed of herself, but I know she does not understand shame.  I do have empathy towards even this horrible being, and understand that she suffers from a mental illness, but in no way does this condone her negative and abusive behaviours towards others, and the enablers who stand behind her should certainly be feeling some shame at this point, but I believe they are too ignorant and self-centered to see what is actually going on.

Well, this 'little guy' will make sure that everyone can see the truth, and then the community as a whole can decide what is right!  This is not about me attacking Narcs for the most part, it is about exposing the truths of their behaviours in their public positions so that citizens can make an educated decision on how they feel about the shitty things going on behind closed doors in our community, 

The 'VIP's' in our community have controlled their image for many year through coercion and fear, but that will no longer work for them.  We may not have a proper newspaper or media to keep our public employees in check, but this 'little guy' will continue to keep pushing forward and doing their work for them.  I look forward to seeing you all out there on the 'playing field' as our community heats up during election time.

 It should be fun, well maybe for the truth seekers, not so much for those who hide the truth!

Namaste and good day my friends

Monday, November 13, 2017

Why Fight Back At Narcissists?

Throughout my own healing process over the past year or so, I have written about several mental health issues from the standpoint of both a counselor, and a client.  As I researched and reflected for many months, the focus of the deeper issues became clear, and now I am finally left with goals and purpose in my being once again.  Because of life experiences and training, I knew I would find the 'darkest' stuff near the end of the process, and sure enough my focus has become psychological and narcissistic abuse.

We can be injured physically and watch the healing happen before our very eyes.  How do you chart your progress when your injuries and scars are on a mental scale?  There are many answers to this, but for me the progress is my chart.  Where is my mental state of being currently, and what items continue to plague me even after an abundance of healing? 

Although I have been through more than my share of psychological abuse, I am thankful to have had those things along life's journey, because they have made me mentally stronger and wiser than i could have ever imagined.  Yes, the experiences and the dark times sucked, there is no getting around that, but we can either let those things destroy us, or make us stronger.  It is a choice in personal growth. 

I have chosen to continue growing from the inside out, whereas the Narc will always choose from the outside in.  Their image and reputation are of the utmost importance, and way above the need to treat others with any sort of empathy or compassion.  So now that I have mostly healed everything on the inside, I find myself left with a few toxic items laying around in there, and they all come from outside sources, and of things that have been left unresolved.

So Why fight back at narcissists?  Most of the current research points people to 'no contact' when dealing with narcs. It is suggested to leave the toxic situation and don't look back, for your own health.  As someone who has had a lot of experience with this type of abuse and someone who attracts narcs like flies to crap,  I can tell you that the suggestion is a good one, but only for a while!

Healing from the mental abuse can take months or even years for some, and that is if it is ever healed completely, which I would assume is quite rare.  This is the type of abuse that can plague your mind for the rest of your life.  So how do we deal these underlying issues then?  I have several theories on this subject but currently I am only interested in my working theories.  It is my belief at the moment that because the issues I am healing from are still unresolved on the outside, I will not be able to complete my healing and resolve my underlying resentment unless I resolve the problems that outside of my inner self.

There are several narcissists that have caused inner struggles for me, but for now I focus on the most prevalent, and the one that still reminds me daily that it is unresolved.  The person who caused most of my underlying resentment is still thriving while I deal with the effects they caused me.  This needs to change in order for me to finish healing. 

When i first 'crashed' after leaving my abusive work situation, I was exhausted, frustrated and likely angrier inside than I thought at the time.  The attempts I made to bring down my abusers were small and unable to affect the situation, but I also know that resentment was driving the attempts at the time, and that was not the right approach.  That is when I took my own advice and went with 'no contact' in order to heal. 

Now I am ready to fight back at my narc and others because my proper focus has returned.  I am no longer out for revenge or even retribution.  I have always been an advocate for many issues throughout my life, and I even went back to college and trained in the arts of social justice and social work.  My goal now is justice, and it has allowed me to turn the negative resentment and toxic feelings into a positive approach. I am out for social justice in my community right now, and the first resolution I am seeking is to correct the abusive situation still going on in the environment that I had to leave.

I can no longer sit back and watch the director of our local literacy agency and her minions continue to abuse others, especially the vulnerable ones that need that place.  Someone has to put a stop to it and I believe that is what I am meant to do.  I have met with several 'vip's' in our area over the past couple of weeks and I can see a small light at the end of the tunnel now.  In one of my earlier articles I explained that these people have the option of contacting me and atoning for their actions, but since I have received no replies in that regard, I will diligently press forward.

There is a big shake-up that is going to happen over the coming months, and many of the public positions in our community will be brought to the surface so that certain actions and behaviours will be exposed to the general public, including my blogs.  I am seeking social justice right now and will stop at nothing to see it through to its fruition.  There will be a few narcissistic individuals who are currently enjoying their power and untarnished reputations, who will experience some negative press.

I would have preferred a different kind of resolution because it is never my purpose to intentionally hurt anyone, even the evil narcissists.  I have had to choose the concept of justice to appease myself as I move forward.  I expect I will tarnish the images of quite a few Narcs in West Nipissing, and it is almost unfortunate for them that this is how they will be remembered even after all of the good things they 'think' they have done.  Things never had to happen this way, but justice must be served!

If you have been harmed or abused by a narcissist, I hope my words help you a little in your own effort to move forward in life.  If you are a narcissist reading this, especially if you are one the specific narcs I am pointing at, this is just the beginning of the game.  I did not start the game, but as I stated in an earlier article, I am a good chess player and I don't give up until all options are exhausted.

I believe I am in for a long battle at the moment, but I am certainly up for it this time around. 
Namaste and be well

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Narcissists Surrounded By Narcissists

Sometimes I will sit here early in the morning with no idea what to write about, yet my mind is not completely quiet so there must be something that needs to pop to the surface.  My 'self; has found the courage and determination to take on quarrels that I may have walked away from previously, and my mind is still trying to process.  This is part of the syndrome and pattern which follows long term psychological abuse.

This morning I am trying to figure out which remaining items need to be let go of, and which ones I should press forward at.  I will continue to expose the narcissists and sociopaths in my environment, but it no longer comes from a place of resentment or anger, although at one point, that is where most of the words would have come from.  Fighting back at Narcs is new for me, and i am sharing the process as I go.  I have healed for the most part, researched much more than any normal person ever would, and I can consider myself mentally armed and dangerous, yet only to those who have harmed others.

So that is the direction I will take for today, I will talk about more of those who harm others without recourse.  The organization I focus a good bit of my efforts on is a not for profit literacy agency in West Nipissing.  The business has been around the community for many years and has had different leadership over the years.  It changed dramatically when a new Executive Director was hired on 7 or 8 years ago.  

I am sure the board members at the time had no idea how to spot someone with NPD, and it is quite possible that the symptoms were well hidden at that point, especially since none of these people had ever seen the Narc in a position of power over others.  All they got to learn at the time was what was being presented to them, and the Narc I speak of is the epitome of what we would expect in a full blown narcissist, with charm and a seemingly compassionate nature.

I am not looking to blame others at this point, I am searching for the source of the problem, and how it was allowed to continue and grow as it has.  The Narc I speak of is very clever and devious, and I certainly can not match those types of skills, because I am not an asshole.  This Narc knew exactly which types of people to surround herself with when she 'invited' the new board she created for 'her' new establishment.  She picked mostly narcissistic people that were not as clever as her, and has used their public recognition since to abuse and grow her reign of quiet terror.

I could understand if the people on this 'board of directors' were uneducated, or in a field of work where mental health holds no prevalence, but let's see what we have.  A police chief and a constable play active roles on this board, yet they seem to ignore the abusive behaviours.  I would think that they should be at the forefront of recognizing abuse, but I suppose I am asking too much from these ego-driven individuals and expecting intelligence where there is little.

There is a social worker on that board as well, and if this person cannot recognize the abuse when it is right in front of her face, she may be in the wrong line of work.  It is her profession to see these things.  Maybe it is time for her to go back to school, just not to the school where the board president came from.  It is an elementary school I speak of, but for someone who thinks so highly of herself and has plenty of narcissistic qualities as well, she certainly won't be of any help.  Believe me, I went to this board president after my ordeal and was treated poorly.  I tried to plead my case from a state of weakness at the time while she told me stories of her life and 'fluffed' off my issues.

There is a lawyer and an author on that board as well, and I can find no ethics there to talk about.  I think what it comes down to is that I am hoping to see an ounce of shame or remorse in these people, hoping to see a shred of humanity in them, but so far there has been nothing.  I have been able to heal and I will now fight back until I find solutions this time around, but what about the good people who are still currently being abused?

Well, the game i am playing here is driven by that question.  I have been on the short end of the stick and feel like I have been taken down by a team of narcissists!  One on one would have given me a chance, even two or three against one would have been a fun battle for me I think, but as one 'little guy' against overwhelming odds, I have had to approach this in a very different way.  I may be one person, but as they say, 'the pen is mightier than the sword'.

I will continue to slowly expose the behaviours of these public people and even use many of their narcissistic tools against them.  Because election time in our area is rapidly approaching, I will use this platform to make these issues public, exposing each individual's negative behaviours at a a time when regular citizens are paying attention somewhat. 

If any of the board members or the Director have any aspirations of politics here, they may want to keep reading my blog, and listening to the rants I am sharing around town, because they are going to make things very difficult for you.  You may have climbed to top of the social and business ladder here, but it is time to gather the troops and start yanking those ladders out from beneath you.

These Narcs likely think they can treat people as I was treated and continue climbing, and for the most part they are likely correct.  Most victims are too messed up and exhausted to fight back, and so was I for a long while.  If their behaviour had improved in the time I was healing, I would have just walked on and found something new to drive me forward right now.  Instead, I see the abuse continuing and likely getting worse each day.  That I can no longer allow.

I am only one person right now, but my voice is quite loud, and there are many who enjoy listening to what I have to say.  I expect these Narcs have a bumpy road ahead of them and I am more than happy to provide as many bumps as I can along the way.  The abuse that is going on is still very real, and if you are someone who is involved in this community, you may want to consider helping the problem toward a solution, or I will warn you, you may be a target as well.

It is one thing for this 'director' I speak of to continue her cruel and malicious behaviour behind closed doors, but another completely for her bosses to allow it to keep going.  They have a chance to stop this now, but maybe they are afraid of the head Narc as well.  She could tarnish their reputations quite quickly, and it would likely be her first step.  Don't be an enabler and coward, stand up to this bully and do something to help the victims before it is too late for them.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Fighting Back: Start Local and Play It Like Chess

How long does it take to play a game of chess?  Anyone who has played the game knows that it will very greatly, depending on the skills of the opponents, and how much patience they hold.  That only completely true if there is no time clock involved, but the longer each opponent has, the more time they will have to strategize and make better moves.

I am viewing my current purposes in my life and community as a chess game in order to 'make better moves' so to speak.  My personal chess game to solve my own life issues began quite a while back and you can find indications of this in my earlier articles.  The chess game in my community began yesterday for me.  I found out that I am no longer alone in my struggles in West Nipissing, and that there are a lot of 'pissed off' people out there who want positive change like I do.

What this means for me is that there are more pieces on the board now, especially on my side, and that there is a game that can be won.  There is the ethical side of things where the issues are very people centered, and those are the white pieces of course.  The 'light side of the force' if you are a Star Wars fan like me.  The corrupt public officials involved in nepotism, coercion, and outright bullying of citizens on the other hand easily fit the image of the black pieces on the board. 

Their side still has all the pieces on the board and had almost wiped out the white pieces,, but there are a couple of 'knights' still protecting the king and queen on the white side, and if you have every played chess, the knights can be very dangerous in the way that they move around the board, and we often don't see them coming.  Well, I see the knights already finding ways to get the pawns to the other side safely so they can become queens as well, and the queen holds most of the power.  If you don't believe me, take a look at our community and the so-called leaders we have, and the queens hold way too much power right now.

So let's get to the point of my chess metaphor now.  Our community has one year now to our local elections, and it is my belief that things will heat up more than previous years due to the overabundance of social and economic issues here.  The politicians will be prepping for their photo shoots at all of the local events and working out how to promote themselves in the best light possible.  And for many citizens, they will be fooled by this.

On the other hand, if I and others begin educating our local citizens now, the chess board will begin to even itself out so we can get to the source of the real problems, instead of being fooled by the glitter and glam that the politicians will use.  Because we know more about narcissistic behaviours, hopefully more people will see past the surface of these people and look beyond their masks.  The black pieces on the board have been strutting around arrogantly for too long now, and I have to believe they are getting a little nervous for the first time in a long while.

I am quite obviously sitting with the few white pieces right now preparing for battle, and gain much confidence as more pieces come back to the board.  By the way black pieces, I am an excellent chess player, and a tremendously patient individual.  I believe this is going to be a very long and tough year for you all, but remember, you can always atone and join the white pieces as well, you do have that choice!  But that choice won't last long once the battle truly begins.

Welcome to the chess match people, you are welcome as spectators or even better, become a participant in the game.  Educate yourself, show up at council meetings, make your presence known and let the black pieces know that you are ready for change.  I went to college for social work and was trained as what they call a 'change agent'.  I am all for social change when it is needed and my hopes are that good and compassionate citizens will stand up and fight for positive change as well.

I will support the politicians and town officials who are people centered, but if you are self-centered then unfortunately we will have to remove you from the board this time around.

Narcissists Are Pros When Playing 'The Vicitm'

If you have ever had to spend an abundance of time with someone who has NPD(narcissistic personality disorder), you have experienced the part where you stand up for yourself after the abuse becomes too much to handle, and the Narc plays the victim.  It becomes a lose-lose situation for the real victim in the situation.  The Narc will play a victim as well as professional athlete plays their sport.

I often use a sport's analogy when talking to others about narcissism because their games and drama are like a sport to them where they are highly skilled, and their victims are always novices.  Professional athletes often like the challenge of pitting their skills against other pros, but narcissists will almost always prey on weaknesses in others.  Not weak people, often their prey are strong people whose weaknesses and vulnerabilities are easily manipulated by a skilled sociopath.  Often the weakness preyed upon is empathy combined with compassion.

Playing the victim role gives the narc exactly what they need for their supply and control.  They gain the sympathies of those around them and create 'flying monkeys' who will do almost anything to appease the narcissist, especially to calm situation.  It becomes the constant anxiety and conflict that keeps the victims off balance, while the drama being caused keeps the focus on the narcissist, and they maintain their control of the others.

If you are looking for signs around you to see if there is something not right about this narcissistic person, look for a double standard in how you are treated as opposed to how the narc expects to be treated.  You will find little or no equality there.  I should clarify that not all narcissists become bad people, it is merely the intent that is underlying the disorder.  Look for the intent of the narc rather than trying to sort out their actions.

If you are looking for a 'show' to amuse you, do your best to sit back and observe the narc the next time she plays the victim.  When viewing it objectively instead of subjectively, you will often find that you are watching a 'soap opera' actress throwing a temper tantrum.  It can be quite amusing if you know what you are looking at, but if you are stuck in the mire of the narc's shitty world, you will often get only more anxiety and frustration from their behaviour.

Don't be fooled by the narc's victim status, they will wear it like a badge in order to pull you back into the 'dark side of the force'. I love Star Wars references by the way. I see narcissists as the evil imperialists and Sith lords, and the victims often appear as the Jedis who are constantly being crapped on while they fight for 'good'.

I write a lot of my stuff in general terms, but as I have stated before, I have a 'muse' of sorts for the projection of my issues and ideas, and she is evil at the core.  It seems the more people I talk to in our community, the more that are starting to realize this as well.  And of course I am always happy to fill in some of the details for them.

When you begin to discover the symptoms and tactics of a narcissist or person with NPD, you learn to view their behaviours in a different way.  Where I used to feel anxiety and frustration every single day, I now often view their behaviours with amusement, and I find I treat them like children now.  That of course tends to fuel their negative behaviours even further, and I often escalate these types of situations now.  Although I can handle the 'long game' that the narc likes to employ, I like to see them remove their masks much more quickly now, so i tend to push the envelope a little more forcefully.

So the next time you see someone stand up to the narc and puts them in their place, watch closely as the narc uses their tactics to turn themselves into the victim, even though they are likely getting exactly what they deserved.  They will smear the person they perceive as the attacker and use anyone around them they can find to sympathize and support their victim status.  Stop feeling bad for the narcissist, please!  Stand up for the real victims in these situations.

Yes, it will likely make things more difficult for you as the narc attacks you as well, but at least your true inner self will be proud of you, instead of bringing you much guilt later for not helping the real victim.  The bullying logo for our community last year was Step up, stand up I believe, and I am asking you to do exactly that.  If you have ever been the real victim while the Narc plays the victim, you will know how horrible this feels when those around you turn their backs toward the fake victim.

Don't be an enabler, stop being a flying monkey, and if you don't know what these terms mean, look them up, it only takes a few seconds.  If you are a good person, you will find that you don't want to be one of these negative terms, but if you only think you are a good person and are please with being a narc supporter, maybe you should get to a mental health professional and get yourself checked out. 

Contact me anytime and I will be happy to provide you with an assessment of your status in this regard.
Namaste and good day

Monday, November 6, 2017

Fight Back-One Narcissist At A Time

This article will appeal more to the locals here in West Nipissing, but others may find similarities from my story in your own local communities.  If you have read any of my previous articles on narcissists and NPD, you will know that I am currently searching and testing my theories in regards to fighting back against abusive beings such as these bullies, we have them in every community, they are just often harder to spot because they market themselves so cleverly.  Kind of like a politician will, and we know how honest and straightforward they can be. (please note the sarcasm in that statement)

I am not saying all politicians are narcissists or bad people, there are many excellent people in politics, but they are usually harder to find.  I am writing this article because we have a municipal election coming up next year and now is as good a time as any to start stirring up the issues which need to be addressed, and give the people lots of time to consider how change needs to happen.  I plan to play my part in those changes since I am a very vocal advocate who has wanted to see the possibility of reform in our broken community.

I see glimpses of that possibility, if i want to listen to local rumours happening right now.  I don't like rumours at all, but there is often some form of merit in all rumours.  I would have to say that taking our current mayor out of power is definitely the first step, and many would agree with this statement wholeheartedly.  It is one thing to remove a broken official, but another completely when considering who the replacement will be.

There is a rumour about an excellent candidate who is considering running for the position, and it has provided me with some hope of reform.  This hope gives me the spark I need to continue on my own personal fight here in the community, because it may actually help to create the changes which are needed so greatly here.  There is even an abundance of issues surrounding our current chief of police which is adding to division of our people. 

These town officials are not my current focus, but at some point I am sure they will become part of it, and I welcome that debate.  My focus is still upon the 'puppeteer' as I call her, who hides in her little not-for-profit kingdom and finds ways to pull the strings of many of our VIP's, or at least pull the wool over their eyes.  She is so very good at that!

It is definitely the right time to begin exposing the truths that I hold about these public employees.  This is only the beginning of this.  After all of the abuse I suffered at the hands of a very public person in our community, I was broken and completely anxiety ridden, with a toxic pit in the middle of my stomach every single day.  It took a long while and a lot of hard work and reflection, but that pit is almost gone.  I found peace of mind and that part is delightful.  

Peace of mind has become a little boring for me though.  Peace is a great way to hide and suppress our emotions which is how we find it most of the time.  But underneath that peace always seems to be something trying to pull it away from me still.  I concluded in an earlier article that this is because I have a need to fight back, and that is what I am 'seeding' here.  This is my beginning, but I also believe the end for others.

You can climb as high as you like and do all the perceived good you want to, but if someone pulls the rug out from underneath you in the end, all that 'good' will be washed away.  This is why we should always be careful who we step over along the way.  I was not the right person to step over!  I am that person who will happily help lift anyone up, but don't step on me.  This devious woman stepped on me way too many times and continues to step on other good people, and i will no longer allow it.

She likely believes all her marketing of herself has and is creating some sort of legacy to leave behind.  She is likely correct if nobody ever brings the truth to the surface.  If she was to leave her position now, I may even close my mouth at this point and not say another word about the situation, but I don't see that happening any time soon.  So I will have to continue forward until a solution has been provided.   I can guarantee the legacy she hopes for and the one she will have after I write my articles will be very different.  And this goes for the other public officials I will share about in the near future.  One narcissist at a time is all I can handle right now.

I am doing my best to focus on the ethics these people should hold in their very public positions, and I will attempt to not make the issues personal, but this is often difficult.  My question I will ponder is, why would we allow a bullying narcissist to have the responsibility of helping our most vulnerable citizens?  Especially when this one even makes these already broken individuals cry quite often.  The quick answer is that she is governed by even more narcissists, not all of them mind you, but enough of them to keep the biggest narc at the forefront.

Any of you who know a little about the inner workings of our community, or those who know me well, know exactly what I am speaking about here I would think.  I will give more details over the next days for those who don't.  What I do know is that if any of the people I am referring to are reading this and remember the truths that I hold, there will be an odd feeling in the pit of their stomach, much like the one that grew in mine over a couple of year in a highly toxic environment, and it won't feel very nice at all.

If you are one of these and do feel that, maybe you can empathize with me for one moment when you realize what I dealt with.  I would also suggest you don't read any more of my articles because i guarantee my words will make your pit grow.  For me it was my anxiety disorder and manufactured fear, but yours will be a combination of both fear and guilt.  I said I would use my theories of fighting back to continue this process until solutions are found, and now is the time where i will push forward regularly to bring balance back to the 'force' so to speak.

Hey Narcs, you should have treated all of us good, caring and compassionate people better along the way.  I could stand back and let Karma do the work but that won't take effect until the next lifetime.  I would like to see those changes happen , and happen sooner than later!

Namaste and good day all

p.s. I believe I may run for council person in the next election.  Just warning you.  Whether I am successful or not, I will get to share my truths with many!

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Bully The Bully: Finding Ways To Fight Narcissism

If there is good article or journal on NPD (Narc) and general narcissism out there on the internet,  I have likely scanned or read it.  This is not really true of course, but I would have to believe that I have read through over half of the huge pile of information to be found.  Just like every other person abused by a Narc, I knew some terrible things had happened, especially within myself, and I had a great need to understand it all better in the hopes that I could eventually heal.

I have healed for the most part from my ordeal, yet lingering things still arise, and when they do I tend to face them head-on these days, as opposed to flight instinct that had its hold when I first left my abusive situation. These lingering feelings of resentment or fear have offered me some self purpose, and used correctly, should help me finish the healing process.

It took a long time and much deep reflection to gain the understanding needed to turn the flight instinct and fear based thinking off.  That is what the Narc's game often is, to keep you off balance and out of control on a regular basis so that you can more easily be controlled by them through fear.  The Narc will keep you in this state, and on what i call the 'rollercoaster ride' as long as they possibly can.  And when the ride is over, they will toss you into the tracks, grab their new victims or flying monkeys, and roll right over top of you.

The idea of the roller coaster ride is where my point today is headed.  The Narc has many mental tools in their arsenal and can be highly clever, devious, and downright evil in the use of these tools. If you aren't being 'love bombed' then you could be suffering the silent treatment or stonewalling at that point.  If 'gaslighting' isn't the tool of choice today and all seems well at the moment, maybe you are being 'triangulated' and the 'flying monkeys' are helping to make you feel isolated right in the middle of it all.

The Narc I use as my 'muse' for these articles has all of the tools, and can use them as well as any I have encountered before.  She is a master puppeteer, and still has many fooled, but not all.  I believe the cracks in the armour are finally beginning to show.  All Narcs eventually can't help but show their hidden side at some point, they are usually just very careful about who they show it to.

I have a working theory at the moment in fighting back at our Narcs.  If they are able to use our weaknesses against us and keep us off balance until we break, why can we not do the same in return.  Sure you can call this 'sinking to their level', 'retaliation', 'revenge' and even say that if their intent is malicious, wouldn't ours be as well?

My theory is that if I can find ways to unbalance my Narc through exposing their weaknesses, that they will eventually lose control of the illusion they have created, and their true self will begin to show.  Kind of like a slow and arduous exorcism where I am pulling the demon to the surface so that it can no longer fool others and abuse its victims.

The Narcs most important possession is their reputation or image.  I have to believe that is the place to start.  Put their image in jeopardy and their fear will grow, just as mine did when my anxiety was used against me on a daily basis.  It is also my belief that if I throw the silent treatment in once in a while, it will keep the Narc inside her own head wondering what I will do next.  The more I look at how I was treated, the more ideas I find in fighting this bully, and hopefully others in the future.

I plan to expose a little at a time and watch for the results.  I feel a bit like a bully I suppose, but I have spent much of my life standing up to the bullies of others and must believe that someone is supposed to do so.  Someone has to bully the bullies once in a while in the hopes that they will eventually understand how it feels, and giving the bully the opportunity to experience empathy, maybe for the first time in their lives.

My approach may be seen as passive aggressive one, and I am okay with that.  If my approach is successful, I will expose this Narc for who she is, and the problem can then be dealt with.  The bullying of others will hopefully stop at that point and I will consider my methods a success.  I cannot change what happened to me and nor would I, but I can no longer be a bystander who watches the abuse and bullying continue.

It is often said that 'the truth shall set you free'.  I will use only the truth and my words in an attempt to set all those affected free.  If the Narc has never been on a roller coaster ride like this one before, I will warn them, this will not be a fun ride, but i will try to make it exciting for you.  If the Narc I am speaking of is reading this, I forgive you for what you did to me, but I can not quite forgive your continued abuse of others at this time.  To use my ego for a moment, you pissed off the wrong person this time! But hey, if you feel you have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to fear from the truth.

I will start the ride right here.  I have taken parts of my book and shared them with a few prominent people in our community and they were taken aback when they learned the other side of the Narc's behaviour.  Word seems to spread quite quickly in our small community and I plan to use that to my advantage, just like the Narc did during their 'smear campaign' of me. The difference between her campaign and mine is that her was filled with lies and deceit whereas mine is just filled with truths.

I will share the events that unfold here along the way in the hopes that I can help other victims find ways to fight back at their bullying Narcs.  They 'mirrored' your behaviours in order to learn your weaknesses and then used them to put you off balance.  Why not try the same in return?  I think 'An eye for an eye' fits very well here.

I will leave you with my quote of yesterday.  If you are climbing the ladder of life right now, be careful who you step on or over as you do because that person may pull the ladder right out from beneath you.

Have a great day everyone!

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Narcissistic Abuse: Are You An Enabler or Bystander?

The deeper I dig into my self, the more wisdom I find, but also the more barriers I find to peace.  A narcissist does not have this ability and is therefore the reason they have no ability for empathy.  On the other hand, I have no choice but to self-reflect in order to solve the only thing that matters to each of us in the end, solving conflicts of the 'self'.

I have solved most of mine, yet every time I solve one, another seems to pop up, and I go deeper down the rabbit hole of self reflection.  What I discover is that I am finding myself one step closer to the absolute truth I am seeking each time, but I am not sure where the bottom of the hole is yet.  What I discovered this time was quite important and if you have ever been emotionally or psychologically abused by a narcissist, you will want to pay attention to this part.

I was well respected by my peers and clients when I left my job less than two years ago, and I loved almost every aspect of my job, except the constant lack of balance and high anxiety that was being orchestrated around me.  I tell you this so that you understand better how it felt for me when I was 'pushed' out in a few days, and I got the silent treatment from everyone, even the ones I considered close friends at the time.  They all became enablers and bystanders at that point, and probably don't realize that they are carrying quite a bit of guilt for it now.

If they feel they have done nothing wrong, then the guilt will not be present at the moment.  Once they leave their toxic situation and begin reflecting on themselves, they will know what it feels like to be in my position, and if they are empathic will feel tremendous amount of guilt at that time.  I certainly don't want that for any of them! These are good people who were being unknowingly abused and didn't have the strength to help themselves, let alone me.

I had no self guilt at the time and still don't, but that is simply because I did not deserve the treatment I received.  I had guilt of others because I felt like an enabler who was unable to help and had to leave for my own sanity, and therefore another negative shot to the self esteem at the time.

I was left alone to deal with a mental breakdown and my world at that time was just taken away from me, and again I had done nothing to deserve this treatment in any way at this point, except I pointed out a few truths about wrongdoings in the workplace I had been keeping to myself.  Once I questioned the narcissist in front of others with some truths, I was almost immediately black-balled and perpetrated as someone with mental health issues.  You are damned right I had mental health issues at the time, but I was still very rational as well.

The mental health issues I was suffering at the time were all created by one person.  They were, and are, very good at what they do in this regard.  Even though I had been broken down over a couple of years and was being pushed into the flight instinct on a regular basis, I still have a big heart and the fight part was still there.  I felt broken and diminished at the time and everyone deserted me.  Thank God they did, because I learned more about people in general from that experience than any other before in my life.

Although I took some passive-aggressive steps to fight back, being alone against a team of 'flying monkeys' was a battle I could not win, especially in the weakened state I was in.  What I also learned later was that my fight instinct was not even for myself, it was for the others who were suffering along side of me, and I had much guilt because I felt like a bystander and enabler myself.  I saw a problem, I saw abuse happening, and yet i could do little to nothing about it.

That is the guilt that I found deep in the hole this time.  Even though I was able to peacefully walk away eventually like most of the solid research on narcissistic abuse suggests, something continued to eat away at me the whole time.  I was able to spend months reflecting and rebuilding my inner self, which took a lot of work, and I am glad I did it all, but talk about exhausting!  A year and half later I find both peace within myself, but also that I am still carrying some guilt, and I need to figure out why.

If you are a bystander or enabler right now and think you can change the narcissist, I hate to say it but you are sadly mistaken.  You are still filling their supply or they would not be keeping you around right now.  You will eventually be in the same spot as I am right now, and the guilt does not simply go away.  It has to be faced head on!

I spent my whole life standing up for those who could not stand up for themselves, and when I needed it in return, there was nobody there.  This huge realization helps push me forward now!  I have only my 'self' to rely on, and thank goodness I have worked so hard on that!!

When I was young I used my fists to stand up to bullies who preyed upon the weak and vulnerable.  Now that I am older and much wiser, I use my words to do a much greater job of this.  My suggestion to you is don't be an enabler or bystander, or you will eventually suffer a lot of guilt that you may not even know is growing in you yet. Stop looking at the abuser and feeling sympathy or empathy for them and start giving those things to the other victims around you, because you know they are there!

I am now at peace with what my abuser has done to me, but i am not at peace yet with what she is doing to others.  How can I call myself an empathetic being if I continue to be a bystander or enabler?  Simply put, I can't!

I have been abused by many narcissists in my life and seem to attract them like bees to honey.  I know that I will still attract more in my future as well.  Thank God I have educated myself along the way and know how to spot them now.  What I do know is that I will no longer carry the guilt that goes along with the abuse, and I suggest you find ways to do the same before it is too late.

For me, I now have the strength and lack of fear to face this problem head on, no matter the consequences.  I will stand up for what is right once again, as opposed to do what makes things 'easy' or without conflict.  My book will point out many of the narcissists in my community as examples of what you can look for. The only tool I have to fight back and no longer be an enabler is exposure of the truth.  The truth of what I went through so the narcissist can be exposed for who they truly are, and so others can clearly see the demon inside!

p.s. I added this afterwards and found the thought very relevant, and I don't want to forget it for a later blog.  Our community and many other use slogans for bullying, such as 'See something, say something', or 'Step up, Stand up'.  I am stepping up, to stand up to the bullies in my community through the focus of their narcissistic qualities, and how they are affecting the 'victims'.   If you aren't a bully, you have nothing to worry about.  If you are considered a bully, I am about to put you all on your toes!

Friday, November 3, 2017

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse-Learning To Fight Back

As I step forward each day into the rest of the healing process, I find new and interesting aspects to overcoming psychological and emotional abuse.  Anyone who knows the basics about NPD and general narcissism, knows that they are very good at playing the victim when someone returns the behaviours that they used against you in the first place.  They will use anything they can find to garner sympathy from those around them, especially their flying monkeys.

I don't condone the behaviour of the flying monkeys, but know how off balance the real victims can be in these situations, and their minds are often out of control and cloudy, even though they often don't even know it themselves at the time.  Once you can stand back and take a clear objective view of the reality you have been faced with, you get the chance to reflect and find out how out of control you really were at the time.  I was astounded myself when this realization occurred.

So if I am able to keep my narc abuser off balance with my words, and by reminding her that my truths will likely tarnish all illusions she has created for those around her, and all the good that was accomplished off of the backs of the abused will eventually take away all memories of any good that was created out of it.  What a shame for everyone involved, but should the malignant narcissist walk away untarnished after all of this? 

Some will say yes and to continue the 'no contact' philosophy, but I say that if I know a problem exists and that others are being affected negatively, as I was, then I cannot be an enabler or bystander anymore!

As I continue to add pages to my book, it reminds me that words can be so very powerful, and that I am about to tarnish the reputations of several narcissists in my community at the same time.  Some of them even stood by my abuser and treated me just as poorly as she did, and someone needs to tell that story, because it is not just me who has been affected in very deep and negative ways from these people.  Other good people have also suffered many of the effects of emotional and psychological abuse from the very same person and people i am referring to, and they all show narcissistic qualities.

I guess they like to bully in teams because they have such weak hearts inside.  I feel badly for them in some ways, but I cannot condone their behaviours any more.  I plan to start posting parts of my book on a separate site and will share the link here eventually.  I want the people in my community to get a taste of some of the corruption, nepotism, and bullying going on in much of our municipality, the things most of them never get to see because they only see the surface, which is being 'presented' and marketed to them.

This blog for the moment is my way of striking back at narcissists in the hopes that i may learn some successful methods in dealing with them.  I will share both my successes and failures as I go along, but for those who still like creep my pages and check up on me, just know that you are likely on my 'list' right now.  If you are on my list, and I hold a truth about you that you may feel some guilt towards, maybe it is time for you to do some self reflecting for the first time in your life, and actually try to grow as human being.

Otherwise wait until the truth emerges and deal with it at that time, but the truth cannot be hidden forever, especially in this case.  I am certainly not out to destroy or hurt anyone, I am simply trying to teach a lesson that needs to be learned.  My hopes are that I will be able to teach a narc or two the hard lessons that we had to learn, so they can maybe find a way to experience empathy for the first time.

There is lots of information about going no contact with narcissists, I am hoping to help with a more aggressive approach where the abused eventually have a way to fight back and gain their confidence and self-esteem back.  Don't ever fight back with violence or malice, fight back with kindness and compassion.  I mean this in the way a parent would teach and condition a child, using a firm but loving hand. I suggest using words instead of the hand though!

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Fighting Back At Narcissists!

As I now try to move from a learning state of being, to an action state once again, I discover things daily and often need to write things down for further reference.  Another thing dawned on me today about dealing with an abusive narcissist, and I feel the need to share it with my self, and possibly others here.

This question came to my mind today that opened up several realizations for me; What was the worst part about the psychological abuse i endured, and why is it so hard to completely let go of?  I was bombarded by responses by my beloved ego, and most of them were quite rational and logical, but they all seemed to come from a negative perspective.  So, I put the topic away for a few hours so my self could ponder it more deeply.

I even discussed the issue with a friend in the hopes that it would help me to identify the core answer to the question I had posed of myself.  I won't take you through all of the points of self discovery over the past hours and will get right to my current answers, and better understand the validity of them.  

The worse part is feeling like I was always off balance inside myself.  Like someone had identified my underlying anxiety disorder and began to feed off of it  My anxiety grew over time, and I did not truly see what had happened until it was too late, and I was too weak to overcome it, even with the tremendous coping skills I have acquired over the past few decades.  I was being controlled as one would control a string puppet.  I was being kept out of control and weak so I would basically do as I was told.

Talk about a kick in the pride once you discover that one!  Now that I understand that point, why can't I let go of it?  Well, I answered that with my previous statement, pride.  How do we as basic human animals allow ourselves to be attacked in any way without wanting to fight back?  That whole flight or fight instinct lying down there in our ID (Freud had some excellent theories to work with).

Although I do my very best to remain humble, I still suffer from the deadliest of all sins, and it is what I was conditioned with in my own younger development.  Someone has wronged me, and then to throw salt on the wound, they turn the others in your life against you at the same time, as they play the victim, which narcissists do very well.  So I have felt stuck between the rock, pride, and the hard place, human kindness, for a very long time.

Do I be kind and let go, and become an enabler of that person's bad behaviour?  Or does human kindness tell me to teach that person the lesson they need to learn so that they don't continue hurting others.  Do I let pride take over and decide to fight back with all I have?  I will guess at this point that the answer lies somewhere in between the two.

Here is what I discovered today so far, and what I will finish this blog with; I believe that as someone who has both sympathy and empathy towards the situation, with a large amount of insight into the problem, I believe it is my job to show the other person the error of their ways.  Not through violence, or any sort of unlawful behaviour, but through the kind caring eyes of a teacher or sage.

Someone with a narcissistic personality disorder has no empathy and their intent is usually malicious.  I cannot not practice empathy because it is natural for me to do so, and I am not very good at being malicious or mean, so I must come up with a better way to teach them.  How about showing them what they have done to us and let them begin their own self-reflection.  This would be brand new for them and even provide them with hopes of saving a very small piece of their soul before they leave this world.

A narcissist will keep you off balance and feeling out of control so that they can keep control, and continue to fill their narcissistic supply.  They do this by honing in on your greatest fears and weaknesses, and then use them skillfully against you.  Well, why can I not do the same in return, but from a more caring perspective?  The single greatest fear of the narcissist is exposure.  They fear being caught for their actions and behaviours more than anything else.  They do not want the public to see them for who they really are, or 'the gig will be up' so to speak.

Maybe if we can put the narcissist off balance for a while, they will finally get a sense of what it feels like, and they will stop preying on good people, especially empathetic beings.  I have been writing a book about my community and it is over half written now.  It also contains in depth truths of what I went through behind closed doors, while others looked the other way, and still continue to do so.  Well they won't be able to once my book comes out.

Maybe I can keep the narcissists off balance for a while and teach them something in the mean time.  It will be a hard lesson, but one that needs to be taught whether they want to hear it or not.  I will no longer stand by and watch others be abused as I was, without making a strong attempt to put a stop to it.  

Narcs, I am coming for you!  If you are not a narcissist and believe you have never hurt another in this way ever, then you have nothing to fear.  But if you feel a twinge of fear that you may be exposed, you may want to begin self reflecting before it is too late.  That shit will eat you up inside, believe me, this has been a long battle with myself, and yours has just begun!

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Covert Narcissists-The Worst Kind of Evil

One of the most difficult things to overcome long after narcissistic abuse is the remaining and lingering thoughts.  As much as we can get over the effects, the memories are still there and when things we see or hear bring them back to mind, it can feel like you are right there in the heart of it once again.

A year and a half after my 2 year ordeal with a covert/malignant narcissist for a boss, I am thankful for the experience, but there is still lingering resentment that sometimes comes back to haunt me.  Often the hardest part is the reminder that she still seems to thrive, while those she has abused continue to suffer.

I refer to being thankful for the experience, and this is because if used properly, conflicting situations such as mine can lead to an abundance of personal growth.  In my case, it helped me to finally see some things within my self that I was able to repair from years of emotional abuse in my past.  This personal growth has led to a whole new me, one who is still physically broken in many ways, but emotionally and mentally I have never been stronger, or with a greater lack of fear.

The narcissist keeps you living in fear and anxiety, and all the while you often don't even know it is happening because the growth of the virus is slow and excruciating.  It becomes deeply rooted in your psyche and removing it can be near impossible.  The Covert narcissist is greatly skilled in this regard, and the worst of them all as far as I am concerned.  I am ready to fight evil I can see in front of me, but evil that can mask itself as goodness for the naked eye is the worst kind of evil.

The narcissist I speak of, whom I will name soon enough, is a prominent member of my community and not near enough people have been able to see her 'other side'.  She markets herself beautifully and knows how to manipulate the general public very well.  All the while, she is using good people to fulfill her supply, and make herself look like a gem, where truly she is a chunk of coal.

My greatest narcissistic quality is that I believe she must still check up on me, and it is my hopes that she will be reading this as well. Maybe I can educate her a little and show her how horrible she truly is.  They say that you can't fix someone with a narcissistic personality disorder, but I can at the very least try.

I plan to use my new 'self' to start exposing the narcissists in my own community in a very public way.  I will start with the ones I have been personally affected by and then start helping my clients with theirs.  It is time for the empathic beings of the world to fight back against this growing evil of narcissism. I will use the truth for mine, and I am currently writing a couple of songs that I hope to release in the next month or so.  I will provide the youtube link here once I do.

I am back on the idea of exposing narcissists and will try to keep a journal here of my successes and failures in order to help others who are trying to do the same.  I hope you will share any ideas you may have in the comments section.
Namaste and be well

Thursday, September 21, 2017

When Empaths Become Narcissists

On my own deep search for inner peace, I have faced many barriers within, but none greater than the psychological abuse I have suffered over the years at the hands of beings with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). In stating that, I will share that I am nearing the end of my journey to inner peace, yet I still hit the same barrier over and over as I search for my new purpose in this life.

Now at the point of complete exhaustion, after decades of physical suffering followed by emotional suffering, I have decided to make my final barriers my sole purpose moving forward.  It is time to fight the narcissists of the world before they turn too many good souls to the 'dark side'.

After relationships both personal and professional where I spent an abundance of time with NPD beings, and after years of study on the topic, including an adult stint in college in the field of mental health, I have seen the other side of the mind, and it is not a pretty sight.  As someone who is a naturally empathic being, I know what it is like to be preyed on by narcissistic evil, and I would have preferred years of physical torture to what I have suffered.

Unfortunately, due to physical issues starting in my teens, I got to have both, and I would still take the physical anguish over the past 3 decades over the emotional and psychological abuse I suffered at the hands of what I consider truly evil beings.  People with NPD or sociopathic tendencies have no remorse or guilt, and cannot experience empathy at all.  Sure, they can act as though they do, and do it very very well, but if you take the time to see the real person, you will find the most evil yet charming person you have ever met.

I also know that spending months or years with a narcissist can turn an Empath into one as well.  This is the most horrifying thing I am seeing in the world right now.  Good empathic people become so exhausted through the 'roller coaster' ride created by the narc that they eventually give up or give in. I am seeing too many of them give in and not only have them diminishing their own self worth, they increase their self loathing by becoming enablers of bad behaviors simply because they no longer have the strength left to fight any more.

What I have learned is that one who has suffered the abuse of a narc usually has to walk away for a while in order to heal, in all circumstances I have researched, and let me tell you, there are thousands of stories like mine out there.  I also learned that the only way to fight a narc is to expose their behaviors to the general public.  This is very difficult because they are usually very proficient at marketing themselves to the world around them as good natured, caring people.

The best way to help others in this regard is to educate them, and that is what I am hoping to do here.  As a very strong-willed and often stubborn individual, I am not easily swayed by others, but i do know what it is like to start taking on the qualities of a narcissist, and the changes are subtle and well controlled by the narc.  The more time they have with you, the more control they will have over you.  Walking away at that point is the only option if you want to save yourself, and remain on the 'light side'.

I walked away from a very proficient narc about a year and half ago and it took almost that much time to heal from the effects.  Now that I have my self worth and confidence back, I believe it is time to take on this fight that I call the Empaths versus the Narcissists.  Empaths, I guarantee you will suffer guilt for all the bad shit you do on behalf of the narc, but they will continue to 'love bomb' you as often as they need to in order to keep you off balance, and them in control.

I am hoping i have enough focus back to write more often right now and I will do my best to continue informing you about narcs and how to not only spot them, but how to protect yourself from them.  I am more than happy to take on the fight against them and to expose as much about them as I possibly can, but I also understand that if you are currently suffering the effects of the abuse, you will be much too exhausted to do so yourself.\

At this point I say this to all of you empathic beings out there, if you believe you are suffering from the effects of being around narcs, get out now!!!!!!!!!!!! It only gets worse, no matter how many promises they make to you.  There is no cure for NPD, and although these people are truly sick mentally, you do not have to give them your sympathy.  Don't let them abuse you any further, because you will hit a point where you will want to give up, and I am hoping to reach you before then.

Are you an Empath?  Are you good natured, honest, compassionate and kind?  If you are, you are likely being preyed upon, or have been preyed upon by a narc.  Remember, these people do not change, they only get worse.  Remember this when they are love bombing you and taking you to the top of the roller coaster again!  It always comes back down!!

Be well my friends

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Exposing Narcissists Is The Only Recourse?

It is often difficult to identify the most pressing problems in the world right now because everyone has their own subjective feelings in regards to priorities. I have had to jump around a bit in my scope of writing, while on my journey to find answers and solutions to problems I see.  I wrote about awakening for a bit because that is happening right now in the world, and there is very little good information out there to help along the way.

What I have learned is that narcissism and sociopathy are growing issues surrounding us, and this problem seems to be at the source of many others.  The more narcissists in society, the more people being abused by them and their evil nature.  They will prey on anyone who will let them, or who fall for their charms, and it is very easy to do this.  They can pretend to be anyone they want to be, emulate qualities of a good person, and are like chameleons as they mirrors your behaviors in order to trap you in their web.

I use my own experiences to help others gain a better understanding of the problem, but also to deal with the turmoil I was caused, and to clear out the demons created for me by the narcissist in my stories.  I have been used and abused by narcissists throughout my life as I am prone to this.  Being an empathic and kind human, I may as well have a flashing red light on the top of my head that asks narcs to come and abuse my good nature.  We are the perfect prey for them!

They will do everything in the beginning to love bomb the hell out of us and get us to believe in them as good people.  This can go on for a very long period of time and it will seem like the best relationship professionally or personally that you have ever found.  That is why when the ball later drops, it is not only hard to see, it is hard to accept that this person could be so evil behind closed doors.  The public will never get to see the narc for who they are, and those being abused will likely never get their retribution towards their abuser.  They will simply be shunned and smeared by the narc.

I worked at a literacy agency for a couple of years, and this is how I was treated, and how others are still being treated.  It is kind of like being in a prison camp where all of your actions are scrutinized and used against you, and everything is designed by the narc to keep you out of control, off balance, and have you feeling like you are losing your mind most of the time.  Again, this is by design of the narc, and is so they can have absolute control of who you are.  It is absolutely exhausting, especially when it is relentless and you have no recourse because those who could help are clueless about this.

This boss's bosses don't ever get to see the evil behaviors of the narc because they are cleverly hidden from them.  Narcissists are very good at keeping these people separated so they can have complete control of both sides.  My problem is that if the bosses cannot see the patterns or sense the exhaustion of the employees, then they simply are not looking closely enough and they likely don't want to rock the boat and get on the bad side of the narc either.  She is very clever and kind of scary I suppose.

Although I have healed and moved on from my experience in this abusive environment, I still struggle with letting go of the fact that others are still being abused in the same way I was.  I care about people and I cannot easily stand by and watch as people are being treated poorly and unfairly.  I also know that I am very educated in the ways of narcs and sociopaths now and have no fear of them at all anymore.  If I was my abuser, I would be nervous as hell right now.

I am certainly not out to hurt anyone in any physical sense because that is not in my nature.  I do know that I have removed most of my 'flight' instinct over the past several years and live most of my time in 'fight' mode now.  As I removed all of my past conflicts from within over the past few years and mostly found the peace I have been searching for, I find that I am content with life, but still have difficulty letting go of my last abusive situation.  It is partly because I am still upset at the damage it did to me, but also because I know the problem is still there, and likely getting worse by now.

Narcs only ever get worse as they age.  They become more alone in their personal lives, they age poorly due to their evil nature, and they loathe themselves more and more each day.  This is not a reason to feel sorry for them though, and if they could find a way to use this to control you more, they will!  I  know that I still don't have much recourse to work with at this point, but by exposing narcissistic behaviors along with my personal experiences, I hope to show others what to look for, and to show them what they are missing along the way.

I would ask others to look at the patterns of abuse by seeing the turn over in employees every year to year and half or so in the workplace, and ask the boss's bosses if they have ever questioned the employees who have left to ask them why.  Instead each one of them gets shoved out the door, and often explained away as the person have mental health issues.  If they didn't have mental health issues before working here, why did they have them when they left?  I would ask the board to add insight into that one issue.  I would also ask them to take a closer look at the exhaustion on the faces of the current employees and find out what is causing it.   Or you could simply continue to allow the narc to have free reign to treat employees however she sees fit.

Other than the book I am writing about this situation and the other corrupt behaviors in my municipality, I have no other way of fighting back against this social inequity, so it is my hope that this will help get my message out there. In a perfect world, the narc would be exposed and the actual 'good' people will step in and fix the problem.  For now it seems that the abuser continues to thrive and create more false illusions of doing good things, and that can be quite frustrating for the many who have been abused without recourse, and for those who know the actual truth.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Flying Monkeys and Narcissism

If you have never heard the term 'flying monkeys' in regards to narcissism, the picture above explains the premise fairly well.  Although I am strong-willed with positive intentions, I do know what it is like to become a flying monkey and to not even know it is happening.  The hardest part of it is suffering the guilt of your actions later when you reflect on things with a clear head.  And a clear head is not something you will have while under the control of a Narc.

 You are likely doing things that go against your own ethical grain and things that are causing you guilt and remorse, but the narc will continue to push you in this way, because they have no idea how to self-reflect and have no remorse for their negative actions.  On the other hand, they will use your natural ability to self reflect and your feelings of remorse against you to keep you off balance, and out of control.  As long as you are out of control, they get to maintain it.  When you begin to truly discover this they will 'love bomb' you even more to keep you on the 'roller coaster ride'.

I never did anything that caused me great guilt during my stay in my last not-for-profit organization, but I did follow rules made by the narc that went against my own personal ethics and values.  The narc will have you convinced that everything they do is for the greater good, and let me tell you, they are extremely good at this.  What you eventually learn once the fog lifts from the brain is that everything they do is to serve their own agenda, and to feed their narcissistic supply!  And they will do anything, and I mean anything, to maintain their image and the illusion of them being a good and caring person.

The hardest part for me is watching other good empathic people becoming flying monkeys.  They have become so exhausted from fighting the battle with the narc behind closed doors, that eventually their inner strength disappears.  It is like treading water for a very long period of time, and once you can no longer keep your head up, the narc has complete control and becomes the 'puppeteer' of the flying monkeys.  The self worth of the monkeys becomes so low that they believe they can't succeed without the narc, and therefore stay in the abusive situation hoping that things will eventually improve.  IT WON'T!!!!!!

The longer a kind and compassionate person remains a flying monkey, the more difficult it is to stop.  The abuse and control is by design of the narcissist.  She now has almost complete control and your only way out is to leave.  When the flying monkeys eventually realize how they have treated other kind compassionate people in their lives during their venture with the narc, they often will feel immense pangs of guilt.  The nice thing for the flying monkeys in this regard is that they get to learn who is truly there for them when they need it, and who is only keeping them around for their own purpose.

I don't hold anything against the flying monkeys in my example because I have been where they are now, and know the anguish and suffering they are living through, but it still hurts to watch them have to go through it.  There is little I can do but expose the problem for now, so I will continue to do this over the next few weeks while finishing up my book.  I do know that I am so much stronger willed than ever before in my life due to my own suffering, and I would still be there for the flying monkeys in an instant if they ever need my help.  As Jesus said, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do!"

I will also share more details of my own story during my explanations of different aspects of NPD.  I walked away from my own abusive situation, and although it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, thank God I did so, or I would not be sitting here sharing my experience with you right now.  I know what the bottom of the pit feels like and I was there, and the end was not far away.

Once I solved my own inner conflicts due to the abuse, I was able to continue reflecting until I found myself once again.  I have always been somewhat fearless and I had to fight my anxiety for a couple of decades to stay this way.  I began building up my inner strength after I healed mentally and my courage is building along with it.  I plan to expose my whole story in regards to narcissistic abuse along with all of my intense research over the past couple of years, in the hopes that it will help others in their situations.

This is a growing problem in the world, and it is growing at a very rapid rate due to social media. We have all likely had horrible experiences at some point in our lives with a narcissist or sociopath.  I certainly have never wanted sympathy from anyone and I don't believe my situation is any worse than yours.  I just know that my situation was horrible and felt like working in a prison camp for a long period of time, and although I was content walking away so I could heal, I can no longer turn a blind eye to the problem when there are good human beings suffering what I suffered.

I hope you will follow my story and find some solace in some of the words.  You are not alone in your suffering, but most abused people stay quiet about what is happening so you will often feel like you are alone.  I am at a point where I am simply tired of the abuse happening to good people and feel the need to do something about it.  My hope is that I can show others that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that you have been put through this piece of life's journey for a reason.

You will come out stronger on the other side and ready to fight these evil humans as well, and from a platform of experience and wisdom.  First you must reflect and find out if you are a 'flying monkey' at the moment.  Look up the term, there is tons of good information about this on the internet.  I did not think I was one either at the time!

"The best defense is a good offense" Learn all you can about your abuser!  Don't try to expose them at this point or let them pull you in with their toxic words.  Be yourself and love yourself!  The more you love yourself, the more you will see how you are being abused.

Namaste and good day friends

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