Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Music: Healing From Narcissist Abuse

As we heal from any sort of abuse, we need to find positive things to focus on to pull us out of the toxic mind.  One of the things I do is write about things that have caused me pain, and share details in an empathetic way in order to help others who are trying to solve similar issues.  I like to write about my abuser/s and share some of their antics from a different perspective, a reflective and more objective one. 

I call the behaviours of a narcissist antics, because it helps me to look at it in a more comical light, even though there is little humour in the abuse of a narcissist.  The humourous perspective can help to ease any fears we have still within us.  I have been forming and writing a little about the satire I spoke of in past articles, and i will soon have a couple of the first ones ready.  

I am writing the first one in regards to the 'supply' a narcissist requires to maintain their ego illusion.  They need their supply like an alcoholic needs a drink.  That is why I have used a play on words in regards to my own narc abuser to create the main character of my satire.  The name I have come up with is quite funny to me, but i won't share it yet because it is very similar to the name of the person I speak about in many of my articles.

My other positive distraction is music.  I play a guitar well and do my best to sing along. I have written quite a few original songs over the past few months and will slowly be putting them up on my You Tube channel at Rational Rhythms, in case you want to see the person behind these words.  As I look for balance within myself, and continue to remove the last residual effects of my abuse, I use music writing as my main positive outlet.  

Although many of the songs I write are about positive things, I have a couple that I will share eventually in regards to the evil of narcissists.  One of them is called 'The Evil Narcissist in Sturgeon Falls, it is a bluesy rock song with a little anger behind the words.  I am hoping it will be quite effective in helping to expose her 'behind doors' behaviours.

If there are other article topics you would like to see, please email or comment.  I will try not to get too distracted from writing here and will attempt to write several each week. 

Be Well and have a wonderful day!!

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Fighting Back At Narcissism With Satire

If you have ever been abused or negatively affected by the behaviours of a narcissist, you will know that there is little, or nothing humorous about it at all.  Yet I have decided to poke a little fun at my own narcissist abuser by creating satirical stories about her.  I am using only true accountings of her actions and a name that sounds similar, but is a lot more fun.

It is easy to toxify our inner self with the negative thoughts and emotions that come along with memories of narcissist abuse, and I have had my share of those. As I search for and test ways to fight back at narcissists in a proper and meaningful way, it is difficult not to let the bad thoughts and feelings take over.

After re-reading the first 60 pages of my book, I can sense my frustration in the words, and although they are truthful and emphatic, they still leave me feeling a little pissed off rather than relieved.  I discovered I need a more positive way to present the story, so I plan to practice a more satirical approach which I am hoping will be more empowering to the reader, while still getting my points across. And if I happen to poke fun at the images of local narcissists along the way, well I am okay with that, but have a feeling that they won't like my portrayal of them very much.

The antics of a narcissist can be quite comical to watch when you clearly know what you are seeing, and when you can be objective about what you see.  It is horrible being abused, but once you can detach your emotions from it, it looks very different.  I am hoping that by creating a 'lighter' side to narcissist abuse, I will be able to offer a different perspective to the issue. The less anger and frustration the abused person has towards their abuse, the easier it will be to cope.

So why not find a funny or satirical way to have a little fun with the narc?  I expect this method will be more effective than mere truth because the narc will just lie herself through things as she defends herself and finds ways to further smear the victim.  Instead, the humorous approach allows the truth to still be exposed, while offering the narc something that is less easy to defend.

It is another way to draw the narcissist out from behind their team of flying monkeys because she will eventually have to go on the defense.  She has spent much too long in the offensive position and I am about to change that.  I got tired of the defense position and left the game a while back.  Now that I have healed and have the strength, I think I deserve a chance in offense for a change! 

Narciisists of the world, prepare to defend yourselves! New research and tools are been developed all the time for narcissist abuse victims, and I plan to play my part as both a victim and mental health worker.  I hope I will offer a few things over time which will help you fight back too. Fighting back is a big part of the healing process because you get the ability to rebuild your self esteem and confidence.

Satire is s newer form of writing for me, but I am finding it enjoyable.  Once I finish the first couple I will get them posted here and introduce you to the characters involved.
Have a great day everyone and be well

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

From Peace To Purpose: Awakening and Narcissm

Why do I continue to focus on fighting back against narcissists when I could easily let it go and move on?  I have learned to let go of the past in all aspects of my life, but just because we let things go, it does not mean the memories and lessons have disappeared.  I view 'letting go' of things as no longer allowing the memories to hold me back or drag me down.  This is a difficult thing for abuse victims to do, but it is possible!

So how do we let things go when they continue to haunt our thoughts?  Narcissistic abuse is designed to keep these feelings going on a constant basis so that you never get relief, stay in an uncontrolled state of mind, and keep going until you crash.  Most current research states that the best way to heal is to leave the situation and have 'no contact' with the narc.  

What this does is give you a chance to deal with those things haunting your mind, and start rationalizing your conflicted feelings once again.  This could take weeks, months and even years to do depending on the level of abuse suffered.  Again, it is one thing to let go of the toxic thoughts and feelings over time, but another to begin rebuilding your confidence and self esteem  As a mental health worker, I agree a promote the idea of no contact with my clients, but I do not stop there.

I teach from a place of knowledge and experience, and share what works, and what doesn't.  For today I am focusing on what to do once you have let things go and have brought balance back to your self.  Even though we heal the 'self', the problem still exists out there in the social world.  For some of us, we can let that go and move onto other things, but for people like me who have a deep desire to see social justice done, I can not simply let the problem go, just the negative things within myself.

Dealing with the problem can be a huge part of the healing experience.  There are three basic premises for behaviours and I will use them here because they are quite relevant to my explanation.  There are passive (permissive is a commonly used term as well) people in the world who will always be passive, and there is nothing wrong with this, the world needs a balance of each behaviour type.  After healing the 'self', a passive person can move on without holding onto the social aspect of abuse.  I am not a passive person, so I will look to the next behaviour.

Authoritative (aggressive is the other behaviour commonly used here but I am using authoritative for my own purposes)  people will not simply be able to let go after healing, and will often look for ways to fight back in aggressive ways.  They will often feel anger and frustration that will not simply dissipate, and this will likely fuel their efforts to fight back, and if they cannot let go of these negative feelings and thoughts, they will never be able to fully heal unless they can find something to appease their inner toxicity.  I am not an authoritative person, so I must be in the third behavioural group.

I am kind and empathetic, but certainly not passive.  I am peaceful in nature most of the time, and do not take an authoritarian approach to life, so therefore I must be Assertive.  This is a balanced combination of both.  I can let simple wrongs slide by, and I don't need to be in charge of situations, but I also don't allow stupidity to run freely around me.  I like to right wrongs where I see them while also bringing balance and peace to the world.

I have let go of the past and it does not weigh me down in any way right now.  I am at peace.  Here is the thing, peace is wonderful, but also boring after a while.  If life were meant to be simply boring and peaceful, we would all meditate all day and the world as we know it would fall apart.  Eckhart Tolle teaches the Power of Now, which is essentially find peace in the present moment.  He has led  many people around the world to peace and I commend him highly for that.  He helped me greatly along my own path and I am grateful, but he missed the next step that humanity needs.

We need purpose and something to drive us to get out of bed each day.  If you want to be passive and live and peace, all the power to you!  If you want to be authoritarian narcissist, feel free to do so, but you will be preying on the passive people of the world, and guess what, us assertive beings don't like that so much!  The empathetic assertive persons of the world are here to bring balance back by protecting the passive, but also by fighting the authoritarians.

The authoritarian narcissists will continue to grow and expand their power and wealth if nobody stops them, and it is certainly not the passive people who will do it. Peace will only last as long as there is balance in these social behaviours, so if you are passive person you may want to change your way of thinking.  Find peace, but once you do, find purpose.  Once you discover how wonderful peace is, you want to have it all the time, but again, peace cannot exist when our world is out of balance, so essentially if you are living in simple peace right now, then you have become part of the problem.

In the middle of all this are a handful of assertive people out there trying to find ways to bring balance back to the chaos being created around us.  I see this being solved in one of two ways, or maybe both combined; the assertive people will bring down the authoritarians in one way or another, or we will find ways to gather the passive beings and turning them into assertive beings as well.  Either way will begin to bring balance back, and both together would work even faster.

I know i am a little 'off the rails' today but this is a large discovery that I am attempting to solve for myself.  So on the greater picture of things I will try to put it all together now.  There is a reason why my articles are all over the place, from awakening to enlightenment, to mental health and to narcissism, because they all tie together in the larger scope of things.  There is a great imbalance in the world right now and our social systems are falling apart.  We can see a growth in narcissism and evil, but also in empathetic beings.  

I found inner peace a long while back, but outer peace is another thing completely.  Inner peace is blissful and I could have easily stayed there for the rest of this existence.  You will not find a drug in the world that will make you feel that good, and it was natural.  It did take a lot of pain and suffering over the years to get there though, and it was all worth it.  After a few months of this I got very bored.  I was content and pain free, but something was still missing, purpose.

After re-engaging the world, I found more pain and suffering and often asked myself why I was, and am still putting myself through it.  There past few years have been rough, but the things I have learned not only kept me going, but have begun to show their purposes.  There is a war going on around us and most people can't even begin to see it, yet I can see it clearly!  I urge everyone to find peace, but also not to stop there.  Find peace and then find your purpose.

I several current purposes and this blog is one of them.  It helps me to solve social issues by not only explaining them to my self here, but also to share with others who are trying to solve these issues.  NPD is at times an overwhelming issue, and I can almost guarantee that every one has been affected by it in one way or another.  The narcs are the authoritarians, and if you have been abused, you have been likely pushed into a passive state of being. If you are in a passive state, use it to find peace and stop letting yourself be abused.

Once you find peace, you will find the power and strength to become an assertive being again.  Not only will you have peace, but you will also start fulfilling your inner purpose.  Your inner purpose is likely frustrated and angry at a narcissist if you are reading this, and that is exactly how you are supposed to be feeling.  Your passive brain is telling you to just let it go and that maybe it will get better.  It won't on its own!

Get away from the Narc, practice no contact, find peace and heal, then serve your inner purpose.  You have to believe you have suffered for a reason, and you have!  You needed to learn what it feels like to be abused so you can use your empathy skills to help others!  That is your purpose! Remember this though, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so always make sure you have the strength to fight before you do, or you may become an angry authoritarian as well.

I am practicing my assertiveness here once again, and I plan to both help the passive while bringing down the authoritarians.  It must be my purpose, because every step I take on this path brings me both strength and peace at the same time.  I hope you find peace and then join the fight to bring balance back to the force.  May the force be with you!